I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
