the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
