The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
