i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
