Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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