What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
