i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
