sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize