new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
