Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
