all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
