I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
one two three fourrrrnication!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
