From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
