Just fell off a train. Bad.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
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