Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
