Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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