If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
