You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
