Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I need to calm my uterus...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
