You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
