Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
