I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
