I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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