Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
