i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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