Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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