I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
