i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
