How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize