I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
