i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
