I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I think people are normalizing furries
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
