May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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