you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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