So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
