i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
