My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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