I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
