WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
