i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
