I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
