i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i will never coherently bang her
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
