Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
