is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize