Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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