Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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