I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
