i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we made out on top of his cat.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
