just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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