he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
