used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
